Encounters with Magnates, Pt. 1

A burglar reaches the top of the Guggenheim spiral and grabs a rare Georgia O'Keeffe sculpture from a pedestal, not believing how easy it was.

The sculpture is abstract and sensual, and is called "New York, Sculpture 8." (disclaimer: it's a fictional work of art.)

The burglar knows there's no way out but down, or he'll set off the alarms. Yet he had broken the front door window with a rock, and not one bell had sounded. "Gotta love this recession," he says in his head. By the way, our author will continue to use the recession to excuse illogical events and aid the plot-line.

The burglar starts down the stairs but hears a clicking of heels.

He retreats back to the top of the spiral, but the clicking keeps coming. Eventually, a dark figure emerges from around the bend in the ramp. The burglar rushes to the rail and holds the sculpture over the edge. "I'll drop it," he says.

"You'd better not," says the stranger. Her voice is calm.

The burglar notices a the shape of a bow in the stranger's hair, and he begins to sweat; Father Tiepolo had warned him of this.

"Do you know that I'm an art burglar assassin?" says the stranger.

"Yeah," says the burglar. "I know."

After a pause he adds, "I don't really have a chance, do I?"

The stranger says, "Put the Georgia O'Keeffe back on the pedestal."

He says, "It's not right for the public eye."

She replies, "Is that your excuse for stealing it, or do you actually believe that?"

He steps forward with the Georgia O'Keeffe and places it on the pedestal.

"I like it, alright, I really like it," says the burglar. "It's a beautiful work of art. I wanted to take it for myself."

"I'm glad you said that," says the stranger. "What do you like so much about it?"

"I mean, it's Georgia O'Keeffe, what can I say?" he says.

"Distinctions all around," she says. "Come on, you'll have to do better than that."

She steps toward him. She is decked out in ninja gear except for the bow in her hair.

"In subject-matter it recalls her erotic floral paintings," says the burglar. "But it also prefigures her partnership with Stieglitz."

The assassin steps closer. "Oops," she says.

The burglar says, "What did I get wrong?"

"So you don't think it would be useful to leave an educational retrospective of Georgia O'Keeffe intact? Maybe you should take a look at it first, and you won't get your dates crossed. I think I prefer my erotic art in the public domain, sir."

---

In the morning, the ground floor of the Guggenheim is surrounded by caution tape and a hundred tourists moan outside the doors about how much time off work they each had to take to come to the museum.

"Gus," says Art Guy. "How badly do you want to see this exhibition? There are some nice O'Keeffes in the MoMA and at the Brooklyn Museum."

"What about Christie's?" says Gus.

"What about Christie's."

(to be continued...)