"Mr. Guy!" says Gus, shaking our hero from a deep Ovidian dream involving Gothic decorative elements.
It is 11:00 A.M. and we find Art Guy and Gus lodging in a dingy hotel in central London. Art Guy puts on his glasses and sits up, feeling especially excited for his latest archaeological contract.
"Have you heard about the new exhibition at Tate Modern? We have to go, it's the last day. Can we can do that before excavating Purbeck marble shards from the crypt of St. Etheldreda's?"
"Not sure we have time Gus, those shards won't wait for us if someone beats us to them."
But the look on Gus's face instills our hero with regret.
"Okay, I'll just catch it next year," says Gus.
"Gus, in the Tate Modern the exhibitions change by the year," says Art Guy. "You'll never be able to see it again if we don't go today. We're in London; let's have a little fun."
When the fearsome duo step out of the rain and shake out their umbrellas - Art Guy with a black standard model and Gus sporting one decorated with inverted details of Van Gogh's Sunflowers - they pause for a breath before moving to the Turbine hall of the Tate Modern. Once there they survey the exhibition space.
"How interesting," says Gus.
"Gus, are you sure the exhibition hasn't already moved out?" says Art Guy.
The Turbine Hall is utterly empty. They walk aimlessly through the space, Gus with raised eyebrows watching Art Guy, Art Guy surveying the architecture. A security guard walks up behind the team and says, "Less is more," with an inflection on the word 'more' that denotes irony.
"How many times have you said that to someone today?" says Art Guy to the security guard.
"About a hundred or so. This is the 'less is more,' exhibition, so I'm supposed to say it to everyone."
Art Guy says, "What exhibition? All I see is an empty turbine. And if there's an exhibition there would be a wall text explaining it rather than a hired guard, don't you know anything?"
"There's no culturing some people. Good day sir," says the guard. He walks off.
"What's with that guy?" says Art Guy.
"It's an exhibition of nothing, don't you see?" says Gus.
Art Guy looks around, sighs, and rubs his eyes.
"No wall text needed. Materials: nothing. Artist: nobody. Acquisition date: never. Why? Because less is more. It's the ultimate in less."
Art Guy says, "Great. Are we done here?"
Gus, looks around, "Let me take it in for a little while longer..."
---
The next day, Art Guy waits by the phone for what can only be a momentous phone-call. Finally, the archaeological supervisor of Ely Cathedral rings.
"I found the shards," says our hero heroically.
"Which one?" says the curator.
"All ten. We should be able to put Etheldreda's ankle back together and at least be able to diagram out the engraving of the later casket."
"That's fine," says the archaeologist. "Are any of the shards in a particularly interesting shape?"
"What do you mean? They're all kind of pointy. If that was my cue to say a crude joke I missed it because I'm an art history scholar and don't have those skills."
"We're looking for something Matisse-esque. There's a big new wave of exhibitions coming out with the 'less is more' tagline. We want to compete with the sensational new Tate Modern exhibition."
"But you're a Gothic cathedral, what are you going to do with a Matisse-shaped shard?"
"Probably present it in a glass box in the Lady Chapel, where we're planning to hold our new exhibition - 'Empty Ely: less is more.' We're thinking of moving out all the sculpture, it's a little overwhelming don't you think?"
"Wait, don't you think this is a rare opportunity to show a 'gesamtkunstwerk?'"
"If that's a type of polygon, not so much. Do you have anything curvy and squiggly? If you don't, we're probably best off putting up nothing at all during the exhibition - that really would be 'more,' if you know what I mean."
"I'm afraid I don't..."
"Say no 'less,' Mr. Guy. Say no 'less.' Thanks for your help!"
And with that the Ely archaelogical curator hangs up.
"Hey Gus," says Art Guy.
"Yeah?"
"Let's go to a pub."
---
"Is less really more, Gus?" says our hero five drinks later.
"I suppose not: why would they call it more if it was less, and why would they call less more if it was more? Shouldn't they just call it what it is? What a conspiracy. Hey Mr. Guy, what did you think of that Tate exhibition?"
"Vasari used to praise paintings for multitudes of figures and scenes, and whenever in a Renaissance contract you saw the words, 'multiple figures,' it was always followed by, 'in the most beautiful fashion.' Yet those paintings have been broken down into their individual scenes and bought up by people who hunger to look at less. We've made a fetish out of it."
"Whoa, keep your fetishes to yourself buddy," says Gus. He turns across the bar and says, "Another round!"
"The worst part of it though is that I can't say I disagree. Have I been socialized into preferring still-lives with three pots rather than seven?" says Art Guy.
"Less is more needs to be qualified," says Gus. "Less is more, except with booze." The round arrives.
"Giotto knew that less was more," says Art Guy off into space while sipping. "He only showed you the figures you needed to see."
Gus says, "But what about Giotto's Last Judgment. Isn't that a testament to Vasari's favored aesthetic? The monumentality of the moment augmented by multitudes of figures undergoing various punishments, donations, acts of contrition. All wrapping up the tour de force of the entire program, the 'gesamtkunstwerk' if you will, of the Arena Chapel?"
Art Guy perks up. "Yes okay, fair enough, you have a good point Gus. But what about the way that Giotto divides those multitudes into easily identifiable frames? Isn't he successful in pulling the viewer into the individual scenes and out of the gesamtkunstwerk."
The bartender says, "If I hear you lot say that word one more time, I'll get the bouncers over here. I don't want any trouble."
"Frames," says Gus.
"Frames," our hero agrees.
---
"Hey is this the Ely archaeological staff?"
"Indeed, it is. Is this Mr. Guy? I recognize your voice."
"Less is more at the Tate Modern, right? They understood what less could do for an exhibition given its frame. It made me pay attention to the architecture of the space, guiding my interest successfully to the frame of the work. You have a framing that is compatible with a similar exhibition."
"You mean, 'Empty Ely?'"
"Draw attention to the sculptures of the Lady Chapel, so that people can see them in their full splendor. Diagrams aren't going to help them. No one from the middle ages or our age would come to see a diagram of the casket of Etheldreda."
"What should we do with your shards?"
"I don't know. But for the sake of us all, don't remove sculptures from the Lady Chapel. Frame them with this 'less is more' thing or whatever you want to call it. Or better yet, draw attention to them as the frame."
"Have you been drinking, Mr. Guy?"
"With a brilliant scholar named Gus."
And the archaeological institute hangs up the phone.
Art Guy looks over at Gus.
"How's your wife these days, Gus?"
"Doing well. I got her to watch those great Sister Wendy episodes explaining the Arena Chapel."
Our hero stares blankly across the suite.
"Want to watch an artist biopic?" says Gus.
"Yeah, just a moment though." Our hero shuffles through his Etheldreda shards and picks up the phone.
"Hey, Ely Cathedral? It's me again. I've got a real squiggly one for you."
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